How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
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What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
"Great minds drink alike."
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.