What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.