Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
One should always practice what they peach.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.