Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.