What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
I yam what I yam.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
"I mead more wine."
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.