Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”