What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.