How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.