We’re a perfect mash.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
"Adulting makes me wine."
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.