"Stop and smell the rosé."
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
"Sip happens."
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.