Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.