The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.