Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise