What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
"Back that glass up."
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
I love you from my head tomato