Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.