What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
"You're the wine that I want."
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.