I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.