How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.