If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
"Will you accept this rosé?"
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.