My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
"Stop and smell the rosé."