Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.