What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
"Sip, sip hooray."
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.