What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
"Love the wine you're with."
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.