Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!