Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
"Love the wine you're with."
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.