How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.