Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!