What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.