Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.