Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Keep calm and carrot on.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.