I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.