What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
"Sip happens."
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.