Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.