What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.