Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"