Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
Everybody romaine calm.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.