What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
"It's wine o'clock."
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
I love you a tot!
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!