Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
"Great minds drink alike."
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?