How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
You knead me in your loaf.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.