What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.