What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!