Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
"You had me at merlot."
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
"Here for the right riesling."
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Time fries when you’re having fun!
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.