My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
One should always practice what they peach.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.