What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Join us for a slice of fun.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
I like you a latke!
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.