"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.