What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!