What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.