What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
I yam what I yam.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
"Read between the wines."
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”