The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.