Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.