What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
I hope for world peas.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
One should always practice what they peach.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
"Read between the wines."
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”