Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
"Sip happens."
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
"It's wine o'clock."