What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
"I mead more wine."
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Everybody romaine calm.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny