What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
You don't know jack-o-lantern
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.