What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."