What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Everybody romaine calm.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.