The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
"Here for the right riesling."
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon