My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
"Rosé all day."
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.