I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
"Rosé all day."
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe