Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
"Be kind, re-wine."
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.